shhh! [her.secret.confession]

you lost me. 

I hate the way you make me feel. 

I hate how I’m always behind of your friends. 

I hate how no matter how hard I try to change myself for you, you do not seem to appreciate. 

I hate to know how unimportant I am to you sometimes. 

I hate how everything to you doesn’t matter. 

I hate how you say ‘I AM LIKE THAT’. 

I hate how you think you’re stupid for letting her control you last time and you won’t do the same anymore when it comes to me. 

I hate how you didn’t realise I wont do the same like how I treat him last time because I do not want you to feel shitty like how he feel last time. 

Now, I just hate everything about you. 

Sometimes, some people just wouldn’t know how you feel about some particular stuff. 

It always seems okay for them to do so even if you told them you dislike it. 
They still think it’s a no big deal and at the end of the day, it repeats itself.

No matter how much you dislike it.  

You don’t search for a perfect boyfriend or what seems like a perfect boyfriend to you when you’re in a relationship. 
If, all the while you’ve been searching for the one while you’re with one I guess you never really loved him.

Because, if you do you wouldn’t do/say that.
Or could be, you say that just so that you can make yourself better.

I don’t like the way you said things.
But oh wells….  

the higher the number of times it happens, the more i know what to expect from you. 

Why is it that every night when I fall asleep happily, so looking forward to the next day,  it just somehow turns to be the other way round? 
Whenever I woke up feeling happy, something must come between me and my happiness, between me and my day.

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

It makes me mad, really. Very mad.
I don’t think I ever want to look forward to the next day, don’t ever want to go to bed happily because one of the worst feeling in the world is my day being ruin by something or someone.

Drives me insane. Like fuckingseriously.  

Smoke however much you want. 
Do whatever you wanna do.

I really cant be bothered anymore.  
Find it utter pointless for me to ask you to smoke less. for me to pester you on what you should do when you yourself don’t give a flying fuck.

Then, why should I?  

‘Intensely selfish people are always very decided as to what they wish. They do not waste their energies in considering the good of others.’  

Just like you. No matter how hard I advised you not to smoke too much, you cant be bothered cause you have already decided. 
And you wont care how unhappy I am, how I hate seeing you smoke stick after stick.

This is you.
YOU DON”T FUCKING CARE!

And this is me today and the day after and forever and ever.
I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE.

I’m sick of you.